


Juno Steel and the Demon's Withal

by TheSpookyVarietyHour



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23156410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSpookyVarietyHour/pseuds/TheSpookyVarietyHour
Summary: Ah. Good evening, traveller, and welcome to The Penumbra. Our next stop… the orbit of Ceres.The junction lies just ahead, traveller. Do not be alarmed… we are taking a rather unorthodox route today. This will not be one of Juno Steel’s usual adventures.The adventure you are about to witness is a dive into the hypothetical. What is love, traveller? A powerful force, to overcome any obstacle? A deep curse, that churns and tears at the very soul?Or is love simply the eventual result of chemical interactions in the brain, of no concern to the greater universe?Our next stop… Juno Steel and the Demon’s Withal.Ah, and Traveller? Good luck.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	Juno Steel and the Demon's Withal

**Author's Note:**

> distant screaming
> 
> You ever just start typing and shock even yourself at what you type? That's what you have here :D
> 
> tw: depictions of anxiety/panic attacks

Ransom was never one for pacing. 

To be clear, the artistic timing of every step of a masterfully planned heist (always planned by Ransom) was the kind of pacing that was enjoyed by any gentleman thief. The kind of pacing Ransom had always despised was the very same kind that caused a shortness in his breath, a tightness in his chest, a shake in his hands. The anxious kind that always came when somebody else was doing his job for him.

“We cannot risk Ransom being detected during the heist.” Buddy had said. The mark was a wealthy mining magnate who had a large number of stations attached to asteroids throughout the Solar Belt. Today, the Family of the Carte Blanche was lifting a number of critical assets from the largest of operations upon the asteroid Ceres. Unfortunately for both Ransom and the Carte Blanche, this very facility was the site of one of Ransom’s Heists that had… a rather unfortunate outcome.  
“But-” Both Ransom and Steel had attempted to protest at the same time, while Vespa grumbled something probably terribly witty in the background.  
“No buts.” Buddy doubled down. “Juno, Vespa, and Jet can handle this themselves. Rita and I will make ourselves known at the visitor’s center, and see who we can’t distract.”  
“What am I expected to do, then?” Ransom asked. “Sit here and... “ He trailed off shortly, genuinely unable to think of anything he could do.  
“Enjoy a nice cup of tea.” Buddy offered. “Perhaps take a bath. Enjoy a stream.”  
“OH MISTAH RANSOM!” Rita suddenly exploded. “I HAVE JUST THE ONE WHERE THERE WAS THIS-”

And so, Ransom paced. He must have walked the length of the Carte Blanche three, four times by now. Back and forth, back and forth, all alone. Somewhere in the distance, Buddy had left some jazz playing. He had that going for him, at least. Every time he had tried to sit and wait and breathe and be calm, yet another horrible thought weaseled his way in and off went the hot flushes, the short breath, the tight chest. It was a horrible situation to be in, and one absolutely unbecoming of the refined gentleman-thief. 

Ugh. Nureyev thought. Here he was, swinging full into a panic attack, worried about how it might make him look. If he was honest with himself, which he obviously never ever was, it wasn’t even the entire family he was worried about. Buddy and Rita were under no immediate threat, Jet and Vespa were… capable. But, Juno… Juno was…  
“Juno was what?” His voice came. Peter practically jumped as the voice weaseled into his mind. It was just a thought, nothing more. Juno was still on that asteroid.  
“Am I so worried that I have turned to hallucination?” Ransom spoke aloud. He wasn’t really expecting anybody to respond, but Juno’s voice in his mind did just that.  
“That would almost be offensive, Ransom, if I were real.” Juno tutted. Ransom could almost see him leaning up against the wall as he paced by. “How do you know I’m not space madness?”  
“Don’t be silly, Juno, space madness isn’t a real thing.”  
“You’re talking to yourself right now.”  
“No, I’m talking to…” Ransom turned on his heel, only to find the hallway behind him empty once more.  
“Yourself.” Came Juno’s voice.

Ransom rolled his eyes. “I’m already dealing with a lot right now, Juno, I don’t need your… annoyingly attractive wit.”  
“You always need my wit, Ransom, it’s too damn useful not to have around.”  
“Useful for what, exactly?”  
“Coping.”  
Ransom sighed. He knew that this panic-bourne hallucination of Juno was more intelligent than the real thing (mostly because this Juno was of equal intelligence to Ransom himself), but that didn’t stop him from feeling his heart skip a beat at the thought. Turning to this dream of Juno to cope with the fear of not knowing where Juno was or what he was doing. Until the dream spoke again.  
“What are you doing, Peter?” Juno’s voice was distant, soft. Concerned.  
“Whatever do you mean?” Ransom ceased in his pacing for a moment, deciding to snatch up a fruit from the kitchen at random just so he had something in his hands.  
“This is time you could spend… much, much more productively. That bath doesn’t seem like a half bad idea, right? Or even… ice cream and an action stream?”  
“Because I’m scared, Juno. Scared for you. For what might happen to you down there.”  
“You know I can handle myself.”  
“Yes, but…”

“You’re not worried for me, Ransom, you’re worried for yourself. Worried about how lost you would be if something happened were to happen to me down there.”  
Ransom’s grip on his fruit, some kind of Martian Apple, tightened. “And how exactly do you know that?”  
“Because I’m you, Nureyev.” Juno said, choosing to use Ransom’s true name. “Just speaking in a voice you’ve grown to love.”  
With a shout, Ransom threw his apple across the room. 

Ransom fell onto his bed with a huff. He had run out of places to pace and fruit to throw and angry thoughts to think at Juno. He was just about to attempt to sleep when that dream of Juno came to sit at the foot of his bunk.  
“Why do you love me, Nureyev?”  
“What?”  
The dream looked back at him. “Me. Or, well, the real me. What draws you to me?”  
Ransom huffed. “You… fight for what you believe. You’re strong. Morally upstanding. Everything… everything I could have been.”  
“You didn’t know that the first night.”  
Ransom blinked. Those feelings of anxiety returned, accompanied by an almost doubling of his heart rate. “W-what?”  
“When you were Rex Glass. And I was… just another P.I. You didn’t know who I was, but you felt the same either way.”  
“What? That was… a fling! I felt no such-”  
“God, you’re an idiot.” The dream of Juno sighed wistfully. “I’m you, Nureyev. You can’t hide anything from your subconscious, even if you tried.”  
Ransom muttered something weakly.  
“I heard that.”  
“I don’t even know what I said!” Ransom threw out, his throat tight with frustration. “I don’t know what I said… or why I love you, Juno. It just… happened!”  
“These things don’t just ha-”  
“Yes they do, Juno, yes they do!” Ransom’s voice echoed throughout the empty Carte Blanche. It might have been embarrassing if anybody had been around to hear it, but today it was simply cathartic; though for a brief moment, Ransom thought he heard the Ruby-7 beeping at him in the distance. Impossible, of course- the others had taken Ruby to get to the station, and they wouldn’t be back for hours. “Sometimes, you just meet somebody, and they just… they capture everything! Your mind and heart and soul! I am the greatest thief the galaxy has ever known, and yet… you! You were able to steal my very being from me!”  
It wasn’t until he had stopped talking that he realised he had, in fact, been shouting. The dream of Juno almost looked hurt.  
“Are you upset with me?” He asked softly. “Or with yourself?”  
“You-!” Ransom barked, before he came to the realisation. “You… you... are me. The question is moot. I’m upset with you… because I’m upset with me.”  
The dream of Juno stood, and turned those soft eyes upon the thief. “Go on.”  
“Because I allowed you to defeat me…” Ransom muttered. “Because I let you into a piece of my soul that nobody- nobody- has ever been allowed to see. And you exploited it. Used it to defeat me.”  
“Did I?” Juno sighed. He reached out, his gently scarred fingers brushing against Ransom’s cheek. The thief nearly thought he could actually feel it.  
Ransom felt the sting of tears in his eyes. His anger was uncontrolled, tearing through whatever semblance of coherent thoughts he could even try to muster. The memory of Juno’s hand caressing his face was the only thing he could remember clearly.  
“No…” Ransom managed, a tear forming and rolling down his cheek. “It wasn’t you. It was… it was love.”  
Juno nodded. “Do you know why you love me, Peter?”  
Ransom shook his head. “When you know, you know, Juno. When you fall, you fall. And when you’re defeated by love, you’re utterly defeated. I… am utterly defeated, Juno…”  
Juno smiled sweetly. The detective held out his hands, and Ransom instinctively reached out to take them, even knowing they weren’t real. “And… how do you feel about that, Nureyev?”  
There was a tingling in Ransom’s fingers, where the dream of Juno touched them. “Happy, Juno… and angry. And scared. And tired. Vulnerable. All these things… and so much more. Above all else, my Juno… I feel alive.”

It was then the dream of Juno looked back into Ransom’s eyes. “Are you going to tell me that?”  
Ransom blinked, the action causing another tear to fall. “I… I just did…”  
Juno shook his head. “Not me, Nureyev. The real me. The real Juno. Are you going to tell him?”  
Ransom could practically feel himself deflate at the question. For the many long decades he had spent as a master thief, he was struck dumb at the very notion of admitting his deepest feelings for Juno Steel. The time would perhaps come one day, but until then there was much more to do. Many heists, many meals, many daring escapes and… equally daring romantic forays: with each other, and perhaps even with others; the thought hurt Ransom as it danced across his mind, but he was never one to deny the fickle whims of fate.  
Ransom finally offered a shaken sigh. “Not… yet. It is perhaps enough that I am able to admit it to you- to myself. But… I don’t think Juno can… handle that, right now. His move from Hyperion has been… difficult for him. This new situation, his clashes with Vespa, his new occupation… maybe it would be best to wait for another time. Perhaps when all this is done… whatever Buddy has planned.”  
The dream of Juno sighed. It was a difficult sound for Ransom to hear, the feeling of disappointment jolting through his body. “The longer you wait, Nureyev, the harder it will be for him to hear. For you to say. Perhaps… perhaps your window will close.”  
“I know.” Ransom wiped the tears from his cheeks, breathing deeply to re-collect himself. “But… they say love conquers all, right? If it is meant to be, it will be.”  
Juno smiled, so very gently. “Is it meant to be?”

“Ransom?”  
Ransom blinked, the sudden voice shocking him out of his thoughts. The dream of Juno was gone from before him, but looking to the door to his room, he found Juno. The real Juno, in all his… stupid, gorgeous glory.  
“Juno, I…” Ransom began, before he noticed Rita pop her head out from behind Juno.  
“Are you alright, Mistah Ransom?” She asked, her gaze deep with concern. “We heard shoutin’, and-”  
“Yes!” Ransom spoke the word much faster and much louder than he intended. “Yes, yes, I’m fine. Just… needed to… practice a character! Yes, that’s it.”  
Juno looked Ransom up and down, brow knit tight. “We heard shouting. Are you sure you’re okay?”  
Ransom took a good, long look at Juno. In this moment, absolutely every part of the Detective was glorious. The slightly uncomfortable way he stood. The trench coat that was just too big. The ‘wife, mom, boss’ shirt that was just too small. The cuffed pants and scuffed boots. The look in his eye of cockiness, slight annoyance, and… concern. Loving concern. Ransom could have admitted absolutely everything to him in that moment.  
“Everything is fine, Juno.” He said instead. He could almost see the dream of Juno shaking his head behind the real thing. “I just… was practicing. Like I said. How was the mission?”  
Juno seemed completely unconvinced, but in his compassion, did not press further. “Debriefing in one hour.” He offers, before pushing off of the doorframe and disappearing into the hallway behind him. 

This left only Rita standing there, twiddling her thumbs nervously. “I have chocolate macadamia and Susanoo Samurai Seven: Saint of Seventy Seven Swords.”  
Ransom chuckled softly, his heart swelling at the unspoken offer. “I’m looking forward to it, my dear.”


End file.
